The Highs and Lows

I learned yesterday that a woman’s estrogen level during a normal cycle peaks somewhere in the 300’s.  As of yesterday my estrogen level was at 1,079 and climbing.  Fucking with me right now could cause decapitation or dismemberment.  I’m a tad fussy.  Did I mention I also resemble the Goodyear blimp?  Well I do.  I've decided its no-longer necessary to wear pants.  Also, an entire pizza is an acceptable sized meal.  What?  You don’t agree with me?  Clearly you did not read the earlier part of this paragraph close enough.

We are on day eleven of our stims and I’m pretty miserable.  On the bright side though, my body is actually cooperating with my treatment plan and everything is looking good!  I had an appointment yesterday and along with my high estrogen, I also had a low progesterone level and a low LH level.  Basically all of my hormones are where you want them to be.  This whole IVF business is a hormonal juggling act.  At any given time during my cycle certain ones are supposed to high and others are supposed to be low.  It can get overwhelming quickly.

 

Another thing that was nice and high like my estrogen was my follicle count.  I had 12 follies in one ovary and 7 in the other.  Captain said we should have enough embryos for this cycle and some to freeze!  I’m trying my best not to count chicken before they hatch though.  We won’t know how many of those follies hold a mature pretty looking egg until they are retrieved.  And we won’t know how many will fertilize until the day after that.  And we won’t know how many of those will be viable embryos until four days after that.  So I’m cautiously optimistic.  I was told to stay on the same dose of folistim and to start the ganirelix tomorrow.  Ganirelix is the drug that suppresses my LH level to keep me from ovulating.  My LH level is fine as of yesterday but in the past it has tried to creep up early so we are being cautious.  I go back to the doctor on Thursday.  Captain estimates that my retrieval will be on Saturday.  I won’t even have to take off work!

Wednesday we go to the Acupuncturist.  I talked to J about my second thoughts and since he is the best husband ever, he said if it would make me feel better than we should just do it.  At this point I figure if it doesn't give us any extra baby mojo maybe it will at least help with my headaches!  I’m nervous but mostly excited.  OK, maybe 50/50.  Well it’s probably 60% nervous, 40% excited….thank god J is going with me.  Have I mentioned I say really inappropriate things when I get nervous?  I’m guaranteed to make a complete ass out of myself at least twice.  I’ll be sure to share.

Also this week, we have our annual Halloween party!!  We've been throwing a party on Halloween for a few years now.  Our families come over and MB’s Mom and her kids and some of her family.  We have dinner and spooky snacks and then go trick or treating!  J and his buddies put together a haunted house in the garage for all the neighborhood kids and the other adults fight over who gets to stay back and hand out candy.  It’s a lot of fun.  Halloween is a pretty big deal in our house.  It’s probably our favorite holiday.  MB and I usually start decorating around the middle of September.  I’ll take lots of picture and post them.  We get pretty creative.  Now I just have to figure out how to host a party without wearing pants….  

Needles. What’s a few more?

I’m considering Acupuncture.  I guess, I should say, WE are considering acupuncture.

 

During my cycles of IUI I unintentionally cut my husband out of most of the process.  I even had the nerve to be irritated when he didn't seem to have enough opinions about decisions that needed to be made.  I don’t know why it took me so long to realize that it’s awfully difficult for someone to have an opinion about something they have no information on.  I basically treated him like a walking breathing sperm bank.  Seriously, the only appointments I asked him to go to were the ones where I needed his “contributions”.  If I’m remembering correctly he even missed one of the inseminations.  I tried to CONCIEVE A BABY without him even IN THE ROOM.  I’m an idiot.  To be fair he was never prohibited from going with me.  I just didn’t tell him I wanted him there.  I told him he could come if he wanted.  Way to minimize a person Larri.  Again, I’m an idiot.  I was focusing so much on what I was going through and what I needed I completely lost that the fact that he was going through this too.

I have seen the error of my ways.  I’m striving to be better.  I’m consulting him as often as I can.  He has gone to all of my appointments this cycle.  He has been there for all my questions and the answers and has had opportunities to ask any questions of his own.  This new approach has shed light on a fact that blew my mind.  Men really know almost nothing about the female body.  I mean, other than that they really dig it.

I was pretty oblivious to the fact that most men’s education about a women's lady business takes place in a sixth grade health class.  Usually there is a biology class or two sprinkled in there between high school and college but the reproductive system is covered in a chapter, maybe two.  Heaven forbid your man missed that day or perhaps fell asleep.  I think it's safe to just assume he knows almost nothing.  

I have a bit of advice for you ladies.  If you ever find yourself in a situation like ours, where your entire lives revolve around your reproductive system, educate your man.  I promise it makes the entire process easier.  I’m not suggesting busting out diagrams and worksheets after dinner by any means, but just being aware of his ignorance can help you better prep your guy with information BEFORE you try and make decisions about your treatment plan.

I promise this post is about acupuncture.   I got a little off topic.  I do that.  We are considering acupuncture.  I promise my SIL I would at LEAST look into it.  Remember she’s a bit of a hippie.  Alternative medicine is right up her ally.  I looked into it and found a lot of conflicting information

Disclaimer:  My research methods rely heavily on google searches.

I read that studies prove it can increase blood flow to the uterus.  “Hm” I thought, “blood to the uterus, that’s probably good, right?”  Here’s the thing though, I couldn't find anything that suggested that increased blood flow did anything for fertility other than thicken the uterine lining.  So does an increase in blood flow improve egg quality?  I couldn't find anything that suggested it did.  So since my lining is all good do I even need to mess with all these extra needles?  Some studies suggest that acupuncture does decrease stress levels.  “Less stress is good, right?  That has to increase your odds of success.”  Oddly enough, most articles I read said that studies found stress does NOT negatively impact odds of successful IVF.  Counter intuitive, I know. 

I decided to look into Acupuncturists in our area and see what they had to say.  I was expecting old Chinese guys.  This IS supposed to be ancient Chinese medicine right?  For a minute there I must have forgotten we live in the Midwest.  The two Acupuncturists I found that had any information available online about fertility were middle-aged white women.  They both had masters degrees is Chinese Medicine.  Sounds legit.  But seriously?  What on earth is that?  Where does one get such a masters degree?  I assure you a masters in Chinese Medicine was not offered at the large university I went to.  I did some research and without diving in too far, it does appear that a Masters in Chinese Medicine is a four year graduate degree.  So that offered some assurance.  But still, could these women possibly be at the level they would need to be at for this to be worth the expense?

After all that I still wasn't sure what side of the fence I was on.  I mean, it could help and probably wouldn't hurt.  But, was it throwing money out the window?  I decided to run it by Captain, and because of my new enlightened approach, J was there for the question and the answer.  Her answer actually surprised me.  She said that they do send patients for acupuncture if they are having trouble with their lining but that she didn't think it was necessary for me.  I asked if she thought it was useful for other parts of the process.  “Listen” she said.  “I've seen surgery performed using only acupuncture as anesthesia.  It works.  But those were highly trained specialist.  They dedicate their life to it.  It’s not something you can learn in a weekend.  So I tell patience, if they want to do it, feel free.  It won’t hurt, could help.  Do I think it will dramatically improve your chances?  No.”

J and I talked it over.  He thinks it would be a waste of money.  I think it probably would be too.  But what if it isn't?  Up until about 15 minutes ago I didn't have a strong opinion either way and was happy to let J have this one, no acupuncture.  I don’t know if some hormones kicked in or what, but now I’m second guessing our decision (I also cried when I was looking at old pictures of MB today, so….yeah.  There are definitely some hormones going on).  I just can’t help but think, “What’s a couple hundred bucks more at this point?”  I want to respect J’s opinion on this.  It is, after all, as much about him as it is about me.  But I also want to do EVERYTHING possible to increase our odds.  This whole “we” business is a lot easier when we agree…

Day 1 (Again)

Welp, the summer is over and so is our baby makin sabbatical.  I’m not going to lie, it was a pretty dope summer.  I honestly meant to blog all about it.  I guess I was just too busy kicking ass at being awesome.  

But alas, the air is cool, the leaves are turning, and I just got my lovely box of potions from the specialty pharmacy.  You know how usually getting packages in the mail is exciting and fun?  Yeah this isn't that.  Because some of the medication have to be kept cold and because they cost thousands of dollars I have them delivered to my office.  I work at a corporate headquarters that is attached to one of our manufacturing plants.  Deliveries are made to the dock of the plant so there is always a little anxiety for me while I wait for my special box to make its journey from the dock, to the mail room, and then finally to the safety of my desk.  Because of the nature of theses meds the contents need to be inspected and inventoried immediately and any problems reported asap.  Standing in my cubicle, I opened the box and found something unexpected.

WHAT.

THE.

FUCK.

I know what those are, but why are there so many??  Those syringes are used for intramuscular injections – read: butt shot.  The entire length of the needle is stabbed into your ass.  It hurts.  A LOT.  The HCG shots I have taken before and will have to take again are done this way.  It’s the shot that makes you ovulate.  But there is only one.  What on earth then, is all of those needles for, you ask?  Apparently, I found out upon further inspection, they are for progesterone shots.  To be given DAILY.  For NINE WEEKS.

I’ll admit that before this adventure began I was kinda a wienie when it came to needles.  But you don’t head down this path for long before you get over it.  Between blood draws and injections, sticking needles into your body becomes a routine.  But these are different.  Butt shots don’t just hurt temporarily.  They aren’t just a little sting until it’s over.  These are needles into your muscle.  They hurt for days.  I’m not going to lie, I looked at that giant bag of syringes and started to cry.  At work.  Right there in my cubicle.  “Why didn’t anyone warn me??” I kept thinking as I tried to muffle my sobs.  I put my head between my knees and took a deep breath.  Then I remembered…..

The nurse had mentioned that I wouldn't be needing any of the vagina beads I has previously complained about.  I remembered thinking, “Woo hoo!  No more sticking beads up my vag that inevitably dissolve and stain my favorite undies!!” I also remembered the nurse saying something about an oil instead.  I guess I was just so pumped about the beads being off the table that I glossed over the part about the oil being injected.  I don’t know what I thought I was going to have to do with it but shots in my ass never even crossed my mind.  I would commit murder right now for some vagina beads

Oh, and I haven’t even mentioned the best part!  The side effects.  Here are my faves:

1. Moodiness.  Well that’s great because usually during all of this I’m just a peach!
2. Fatigue.  Well at least I’ll be too tired to go anywhere so the number of people who will have to deal with side effect #1 will be less.  Maybe I’ll still have friends when this is over.
3. Weight gain.  Yeah, because I need more of that.  Have I mentioned the 20lbs I've gained since we started this?
4. Facial Hair.  For fuck sakes.  My husband and I already fight over the blow dryer.  Now the beard trimmer too?