32: Wait a minute...I thought we did this already...

How far along?  32 weeks. 8 weeks to go!

How big is Audrey? Doc says she's at 3lbs 12oz.  Our appointment this week was a tough one.  Audrey has fallen from the 30th percentile to the 10th.  To be clear, she is still growing.  Her head and abdomen are still in the average range for her gestational age.  Her limbs are just little and that is bringing her over all percentile down.  Babies with Down Syndrome are more likely to be of shot stature.  I understand all of this.  However.  I am not a small person and I certainly wasn't a small baby.  At birth I weighed over 9lbs and as an adult I'm 5'9".  While I know babies with ds can be born little, I never imagined I would have a baby in the 10th percentile for size.  In addition, my lack of control is frustrating.  I am shoving as much protein into my body as humanly possible to try and help this little girl beef up and it's not working!  How is that possible?

Audrey's Health? Well, we thought we had crossed a heart defect off the list, but we were wrong. Audrey is still breech but she did change positions. Her new position allowed for a different view of her heart that the doctor is a little concerned about. He says it looks floppy...whatever the hell that means. We have an appointment with a perinatal cardiologist to see what he thinks.  Like I said, out appointment this week was frustrating.  

Health of Momma? The doctor gave me a few OTC drugs to try for my heartburn and they seem to be helping.  It's not gone but I'm definitely eating less Tums. 

Weight gain? 15lbs.      

Weird Cravings? Remember those pumpkin cupcakes I had to have?  MB and I finally got

around to making them. They were delicious!  He's my favorite kitchen helper!

Sleep? Meh, it is what it is. I have noticed it has been taking me longer to fall asleep lately.  I wonder what all that is about.

Best moment of this week? Eating cupcakes...oh, and I got the rest of the Halloween decorations up!

What I am looking forward to? My baby shower!  And of course Audrey's first Buddy Walk! J is going out of town to Watch the Husker's play Michigan State and MB has a TON of football stuff this weekend so it's going to be a big one.  I'm going to do my best not to let myself over do it.  We'll see how it goes.

Fears? C-sections. And Pitocin. And Forceps. Basically all medical interventions.  Ignorance is bliss I tell you. Who's idea was all this birth class business anyway? Before I had accepted that some medical suff might be necessary.  Now I'm terrified of all of it and want nothing to do with any of it.  I might hide in my bathroom and deliver my baby in the bathtub.  Seriously?  What would happen if we just quit going to class?

31 Weeks: Birth 101

How far along?  31 weeks. 9 more, we are in the single digits!

How big is Audrey? We don't have another growth scan until next week so I'm not sure how big she is but she's definitely getting bigger and stronger.  

Audrey's Health? I think she might have flipped halfway.  I feel like she's transverse now with her head on my left and but on my right.  Only because there is something hard on my left side that I think HAS to be her head.  I guess we'll find out next Tuesday!

Health of Momma? Lately my heartburn's been getting worse.  More frequent and more painful.  I'm going to ask my Doctor next week if he can put me on something more than Tums.  Other than that, as long as I make my self rest often enough, I'm doing OK. 

Weight gain? 14lbs.      

Weird Cravings? I haven't been able to eat what I want for almost a month now.  With my stomach being squished I have all I can do to eat enough protein let alone have room for something as silly as cravings...I'll tell you what though, I'm getting sick of greek yogurt and string cheese!

Sleep? This is getting more difficult.  I've been spending more time on my sides so when I wake up in the morning my arms and shoulders are usually sore.  Fun.  

Best moment of this week? We got our Maternity pictures taken!  It was a lot of fun!  I'm so excited to see how they came out!  Afterwards the three of us went out for ice cream.  It was nice to spend some time together as a little family. 

What I miss? Cute shoes.  I don't have a pair of shoes I can still get into other than flip flops.  Last weekend when we went to that wedding I went to put on some cute black pumps only to discover that my feet were replaced by the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man's.  I did manage to squeeze a pair of boots on for our maternity pictures but I definitely couldn't wear them for a whole day.  I'm not sure what I'm going to do when it gets colder.  I certainly don't want to have to buy maternity SHOES!!   

What I am looking forward to? A free and open Saturday.  We have no plans on Saturday other than watching the football game.  I'm so excited I can barely stand it! 

Milestones? We went to our first birth class.  It was OK.  I got bored during the "relaxation" lesson.  My brain just can't stop and think about nothing besides waterfalls and breathing for ten minutes.  I pretty sure J fell asleep.  I guess at least one of us is able to relax... 

Fears? Everything about ripping my vagina open and squeezing a baby out.  We watched a delivery video in class this week.  I was prepared for the baby coming out part but I was not prepared for the after birth part!  GROSS!  In my head placentas were about the size of a fist.  THEY ARE NOT.  More like the size of a pumpkin.  Not a ripe healthy pumpkin though, a rotted squishy deflated pumpkin.  I'm not afraid to actually deliver the placenta but I was caught off guard by it's size and grossness.  SICK. 

30 Weeks: Wedding Bells and Ironing Boards

How far along?  30 weeks.  10 more to go!

How big is Audrey?  The doctor gave us an "unofficial" weight of 3lbs 9ounces. She still just a little thing but I'm glad to know that while I might be losing weight Audrey is gaining.  

Audrey's Health?  Her fluid looks good but the little brat is breech! It explains why all of her kicks are really low but she's going to need to do a somersault soon! I've been doing, or rather attempting to do, what they call, the Breech Tilt. In short it's lying with your hips elevated 12 inches higher than you heart. The idea is that gravity will pull her down out of my pelvis and encourage her to flip over. You are supposed to do this three times a day for 25-30 minutes. I'm shooting for twice a day and the longest I've been able to lay like this is 20 minutes.  I guess we'll see.  

Lets rewind a little though, it's easy to say you've been laying down with your hips in the air but lets talk about the actual execution of such a feat. While pregnant. I tried pillows first but do you have any idea how many pillows it takes to get this a big ole butt 12 inches off the ground. More than my pregnant self can balance on! After tipping off of my personal Mount Kilimanjaro a half dozen times, I took to the internet for suggestions.  Several sites suggested leaning a ironing board against your couch with a pillow on the floor at the base for your head.  I waiting until J got home to attempt this side show! 

J brought down the ironing board and propped it up against the couch. I'm not sure if we have an unusually squishy couch or what, but the ironing board was most definitely not stable. After trying several different approaches we did manage to get me up there but I was pretty sure I was going to fall off at any moment. Good news is, I didn't. I think it might have been easier if I did though because after about 20 minutes I had to figure out how to get off....lets just say rolling wasn't the best option...   

Health of Momma?  I'm good.  I do have a new pregnancy symptom I'm not thrilled with. Leg cramps. They wake me out of a dead sleep!  I actually feel a little bad for chastising athletes for lying on the ground and rolling around like babies over something so small as a little cramp...guess what?  Leg cramps are not little and are no joke people!!!  I totally get it now.  Luckily all I have to do is stand on it and it goes away.  Simple.  Getting out of bed to do so on the other hand gets pretty interesting...

Weight gain? 13lbs. Yes, still.      

Weird Cravings? I would have given anything last night for a pumpkin cup cake.  Dam you Bath and Body Works for your delicious smelling hand soaps!! I settled for a puffin instead.

Skin?  At this point I'm just hoping to make it out of this without too many scars.    

Sleep? Other than waking up in the middle of the night desperate to get out of bed to relieve the stabling pain in my calf while being tangled in sheets, blankets, and two dogs that refuse to sleep on their Dad's side of the bed?  Great..

Best moment of this week?  I actually got to return two pairs of jeans because they were too BIG!!  It's been YEARS since that's happened.  I swear they fit the day I bought them...

What I miss?  Booze. Yeah, I said it. I'm tired of being everyone's DD.   

What I am looking forward to? Friday we are getting our maternity photos taken.  I'm pretty jazzed about it.  I'm attempting to make an appointment to get my make-up done.  I, of course, waited till the last minute so we'll see if I can find someone to get me in. 

Milestones? Tonight we have our first child birth class.  I'm excited and terrified all at the same time! 

Fears? Nothing new here but I'm sure they'll be more than a few new fears after a few of birth classes...

Weekend review: This past weekend one of our good friends got married! We got to see a bunch of friends we hadn't seen in quite a while and do some catching up.  Followed up by a Husker win, all in all a pretty great weekend!

29 Weeks: More Football

How far along? 29 weeks

How big is Audrey? Who knows, but I hope she's getting nice and chunky!

Audrey's Health? She's been active again.  I've been drinking tons of orange juice lately to nurse a nasty cold so maybe she just really likes it.  Hopefully it's a sign that her muscles are getting bigger and stronger.  Anyone know how to make a baby in the womb exercise?

Health of Momma? My wonderful husband gave me a cold.  I read that most women get sick at least once during pregnancy but I really thought with just three months left I just might have dodged that bullet.  I was wrong.  Colds suck normally but when you can't take any medicine they SUPER suck!  

Weight gain? 13lbs.  Yeah, I actually lost some weight.  I starred at that scale in disbelief!  I've been stuffing my face with enough protein to sustain a body builder!  I'm thinking that since I've upped my protein intake by so much my carb intake has gone down pretty dramatically.  My limited knowledge of nutrition tells me that less carbs equals less water retention.  I guess we will see how the next few weeks go.

Hair and Skin?  Enough about it already       

Weird Cravings? I don't have enough room in my stomach for cravings.  Everything I eat these days is calculated.

Stretch Marks? I have to be jinxing myself by writing about not having any every week. Maybe I should stop... 

Sleep? An untreated cold makes this basically impossible.

Best moment of this week?  MB's football game!!  It was his first tackle football game ever and he did great!  Afterwards we went to lunch with my family and then MB got a very much needed haircut.  For the grand finally we went to Target and drank latte's while we browsed the new Halloween stuff.  Halloween is right around the corner people and our family couldn't be more stoked!   

27/28 Weeks: GBR!!

How far along? 27/28 weeks that's right folks it's a two-fer

How big is Audrey? The doctor says she's 2lbs 9ounces and in the thirtieth percentile.  He wants me to be extra sure I'm getting all the protein I can.  I'm supposed to shoot for 100 grams a day.  I don't know if you've ever tracked your protein before but 100 grams is a LOT.

Audrey's Health? Nothing New here, she seems to be pretty quiet these days.  I wonder if she's like her brother.  He seems to get more sleepy right before his growth spurts!

Health of Momma?  Good news people, I passed my three hour glucose test!!!  It was freaking awful, but I passed.  This time around they gave me a red drink.  I think the sugar content must have been higher because it was definitely harder to get down.  It was also warm.  Gross!  I guess the doctor's office had spoiled me with the ice cold orange one.  Anyway, I chugged it down without too much trouble but my stomach was not happy about it.  The next three hours I laid down in the waiting room with my eyes closed trying not to puke.  It must have been quite the sight.  A 32 year old woman who is 27 weeks pregnant, curled up on one of those 5 foot wide vinyl couches using her purse as a pillow.  Did I mention the Lab is right next to the chapel?  I also got to unwillingly attend my first circumcision.  Sorry nice Jewish family for the miserable looking pregnant lady in the background of all your family photos.  She WAS there first.

Oh yeah, new fun pregnancy symptom, I started lactating.  So that's super.  Three more months to go and my boobs decide it's time to kick into leaking mode.  The worse part is that it took me three days to figure out what was going on!  I took off my bra at night and stood there dumbfounded trying to figure out how I spilled something down my shirt.  It didn't dawn on me that it was coming from ME until the THIRD night.  Serious pregnancy brain going on in my life right now.

Weight gain? 14lbs.  I really thought this would have gone up more considering all the carbs I was trying to pack into my body before they were forbidden.  This is what I had for lunch one day.  Believe me when I tell you I was completely gorging myself!

Hair? I'm so over it.  The only time it's not in a pony tail these days is when I make an effort to look presentable so J can take my picture once a week.  Also, a few dear friends of mine (you know who you are) SWORE that they didn't have to shave their legs while they were pregnant.  They CLAIMED that it stopped growing.  I call BULLSHIT!!  my whole body is covered.  the old stuff is growing faster than ever and I get new hairs everyday.  Seriously, I wont go into any wooded areas because I'm afraid I'd be accosted by a confused Sasquatch.  Seriously if Bobo and the gang need some bait, if they offer enough cash, I might be available.        

Weird Cravings? Nah, not this week.  I have rediscovered my love for Starbucks though.  Decafe of course.

Stretch Marks? Still lucking out so far.  My belly button has gotten dangerously shallow though...

Skin?  I think I angered it...my neck and back are gross.    

Sleep? I'm not made to sleep on my side.  I keep waking up in the middle of the night on my back.  I roll to my side but inevitably wake up a few hours later on my back again.  I must be spending some amount on my sides though because every morning my shoulders and arms are sore.  

Best moment of this week?  I've started having Braxton Hicks contractions.  That means I'm getting closer!!

What I am looking forward to? FOOTBALL SEASON IS HERE PEOPLE!!!  Thanks to Grandma,Audrey's already got her first few outfits!!  GO BIG RED!  I don't remember exactly what my husband said before I gave him this look. Most likely something inappropriate.  Either that or he pinched my but.  It's just a shot of us in action.

Weekly wisdom?  Nurse Carol came over on Friday and she had me watch a breast feeding video.  I learned a few things I didn't know.  I mistakenly thought it was pretty basic.  Boob goes into mouth...nope.  Apparently it's not that simple.  There is a whole dang process just get that far!  Clearly I still have a lot to learn!

Milestones?  Hm...I got some PJ's for my hospital stay.  I'm pretty stoked about them.  I'm not sure that it's a mile stone but it is the first thing I've bought to go in my hospital bag so that's something right?

Fears?  A woman on a ds message board I follow posted a thread about how many people comment to her on how her son doesn't have any of the facial characteristics of a baby with down syndrome.  I believe what the person actually said to her was that her sons didn't look like a "downs baby." (Side note:  I hate that term.  Her son is not a downs baby.  He's a baby who also happens to have down syndrome.  Uhg!  So annoying.)  Anyway, I already find myself offended by the idea of people trying to minimize Audrey's extra chromosome like it's a bad thing.  I feel like I've accepted it (the best I can at this point) I want other's to accept it too.  I'm worried about how to respond to people who will say things like "maybe she just has a little downs".  I know these people will have good intentions but it cuts pretty deep.  How do I set them straight without being rude?  That question was nor rhetorical.  Seriously.  I'm known for not thinking before I speak.  I need to have some of these answer prepared and in my head before she comes and I actually come face to face with some of this kind of stuff!

26 Weeks: Yeah, I missed a week.

How far along? 26 weeks

How big is Audrey? We wont have another growth scan until our next appointment in about two weeks.  I've given up on what the internet says because it seems to always be off.  If I was going to venture a guess though, I 'd say a little over two pounds and about a foot long.

Audrey's Health? Audrey's great!  We had our follow up scan of her heart on Tuesday and the doctor said he sees no reason for concern.  She also has plenty of amniotic fluid to swim around in so we are all good in that department too!

Health of Momma?  My blood pressure is holding steady so I've got that going for me but the good news ends there.  Saving my pee in a jug for 24 hours was pretty darn awful to say the least.  It was especially hard at night.  I get up at least two if not three times in the middle of the night to pee.  Having to go all the way downstairs to get my jug out of the fridge turned my usual comatose trip to the bathroom into a production.  Did I forget to mention that it had to be stored in the fridge?  Yeah, it went something like this, put looking thing on the toilet to catch the pee, pee in the hat thing, pour it into the jug, rinse out the hat, and put the jug back into the fridge.  The second time I had to pee that night I managed to spill a good amount of pee out of the jug all over the bathroom.  So that was nice.  I got the added benefit of getting to clean the whole bathroom at 3 in the morning.  Awesome.  Then of course I couldn't go back to sleep.  It made for an early morning to say the least.  I'm not sure if/how that would effect my test results but I really don't care.  I'm not doing it again. I also

took my glucose test this week.  Here I am chugging down the orange stuff.  Forgive how exhausted I look.  I'm not even sure if I brushed my teeth to be honest.  I'm pretty impressed I manages to put on pants considering my early  morning bathroom cleaning party.  With how gross everyone always says this stuff is I was surprised.  It wasn't bad.  I mean it's nothing I'll ever have a craving for, but I didn't have to choke it down or anything.  My stomach didn't feel too hot afterwards but even that wasn't so bad.  I got this!  Or so I thought...After sailing through the drinking part of the test however, I failed the metabolizing the sugar part miserably.  Yeah, my blood work came back too high, my blood sugar was 147.  I have to go back on Friday to do the three hour long glucose test.  If I fail that one then I will be diagnosed with gestational diabetes and get to cut all things delicious out of my diet.  Oh and then there is the whole finger pokes several times a day to test my blood sugar thing.  Freaking great.    

Weight gain? 13lbs.  Look at me putting on some weight.  Maybe people will stop talking about how small I look...probably not.  I'm tall people!!

Weird Cravings? Pancakes!  Lots of them!  I'm still eating eggs like it's my job.  J has hopped on the egg bandwagon as well.  He has started working out in the mornings and I've definitely noticed an increase in his calorie intake!  Good for him.  Getting all trim and fit while I turn into a greasy blob.  Jerk.  seriously though, I'm proud of him for sticking with it.  Hopefully it will help motivate me once I get this baby out!     

Stretch Marks? Nope.  Crossing my fingers it stays that way!

Skin?  This just isn't going to get better.  I did buy some new face wash that I'm hopping helps some.  I also went and bought some new make up so I could at least improve the way my skin looks.  I even bought some new eye shadow to make myself feel pretty.    

Hair? I don't expect this to change at all until I give birth either.  I've done a few product change-ups to try and manage the greasiness better and that's going about medium. 

Sleep? I think I've already said enough about my sleep this week...  

Best moment of this week? We got to see Audrey get the hiccups!  The stenographer wasn't amused but we thought it was adorable. 

What I am looking forward to? My baby shower!!  I got the invitation in the mail this week and it is SUPER cute!  My girls are doing a great job already.  I'm so freaking excited to see what they've come up with.  Have I mentioned yet that it's a Halloween themed baby shower?  

Weekly wisdom? This week I learned how to make a crib sheet!  It came out pretty good.  Now I just have to do it a few more times...

Milestones?  I went to my fist support group meeting.  Go me!  I made Destiny go with me for moral support.  If she wasn't there I don't think I would of made it in the building.  It went really well though.  They usually have a speaker and this months was two women from a childcare/preschool that specializes in children with down syndrome.  I left feeling really lucky to live in a community that not only recognizes this need but has people in it who are passionate about meeting it.  While I don't foresee taking advantage of the childcare services, I definitely see Audrey attending preschool there a few times a week when that time comes.

Several of the moms did talk about some of the negative experiences they've had at typical daycare centers.  Many of their children had been kicked out of daycare because they were too much work or too hard for the staff to handle!  It was sad.  I worked at a daycare in college so I get it.  It's heartbreaking, but I get it.  I could go on a long rant about childcare and standards and so forth but I don't have it in me today.  I don't judge people who use a daycare for their young children.  I understand that most mothers have to work to make ends meet.  I grew up with a working mom and was put into various daycare/childcare set ups throughout my childhood and I turned out pretty darn great if I do say so myself!  With all that said, I am incredibly grateful that Audrey will be taken care of by people who love her.

Fears?  Having to cut carbs out of my diet.  Yeah, that's pretty terrifying.

Thing I'm thankful for?  Friends, family, and free childcare!

Week End Review:  I think I've gone on enough, you get the gist of what we've been up to!

24 Weeks: Take Me Out To The Ball Game

How far along? 24 weeks

How big is Audrey? According to the Doctor yesterday she weighs 1lb 9ounces.

Audrey's Health? Audrey's just cooking right along. Doctor says her growth looks good.  She does still have fluid in her kidneys but as long as it's going down and not up the doctor says it will resolve itself by a few days after her birth.

Health of Momma? Doctor says my blood pressure is fine.  My cuff isn't measuring high, it really is in the 130s/90s.  He doesn't think my dose needs to be adjusted at this point.  He'll keep an eye on it though.  I have lots of test at our next visit.  I'll do my Glucose test, a kidney test, and some other blood test.  The glucose test is the standard gestational diabetes test.  I'll drink the sugar drink and then have my blood drawn to make sure my body is doing what it's suposed to do with all that sugar.   I have no reason to think it wont go well.  I also have to do a 24 hour urine collection.  They are looking for protein, that is a sign of preeclampsia.  The doctor isn't worried about preeclampsia now but he'd like to get a baseline before I'm in my third trimester because high blood pressure can trigger it.

Weight gain? 10lbs

Weird Cravings? I stumbled upon some research today that indicates that more choline in the mothers diet while the baby is in the womb can help decrease the impact of down syndrome on the brain.   I also found out that one of the foods containing the most levels of choline is none other than eggs!  I wonder if that's why I've been craving them so much!  Bizarre.  So I'll continue to eat as many as I want and I'm also looking into a choline supplement.  The research I read said it can't hurt so I might as well add another supplement into my routine.  I'm not talking about ODing on the stuff but I want to make sure I'm getting at LEAST the recommended dosage.    

Stretch Marks? Still none.

Skin?  The gross is spreading to my back.  I had J scrub my back with sugar scrub the other day but I did't notice a difference when I got out of the shower.  I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle here.

Hair? Getting thick!  I'm afraid my hairdresser might charge me double next time I go in for a trim!

Sleep? As well as can be expected I guess.  It has been getting more difficult to fall asleep.  I need to figure out a better way to support my belly.  

What I miss? Being able to be on my feet for longer.  I just get tired and swollen so quickly these days!

What I am looking forward to? The fall!  The weather, the holidays, football season, and of course doing all those things with Audrey!

Weekly wisdom? We aren't ever going to be "ready".  Accepting Audrey's diagnosis is never going to be easy, it's a process.  We've been putting off some things until we are "ready".  I think we are going to have to start just ripping off the band-aid.  There is a meeting this weekend for our local ds mom's support group.  I think I'm going to go...unless I chicken out....50/50.  

Milestones?  We went to our first DSA (Down Syndrom Aliance of the Midlands) event.  As predicted we were creepy lurkers.  I recognized a few of the women from the facebook group I joined but couldn't work up the nerve to introduce myself to any of them.  It was nice though, to just sit, relax, enjoy the beautiful weather, and watch the families.  Everything was so normal. Normal families watching a baseball game, eating snacks, cheering on the home team and enjoying the company of those around them.  I think that was good for us to see.  It's one thing to hear it and think it but actually SEEING it was huge.  We even managed to snap a quick selfie.

Fears?  It dawned on me the other day while J and I were watching TV that I am going to have to go through labor.  A woman on the show we were watching was getting ready to give birth and I caught myself thinking, "Wow, that looks awful.  Thank god it's not me!....oh wait..." I'm not sure why it's taken me so long to come to this realization but I'm pretty terrified.  I remember before we got Audrey's diagnosis I had started to do research on birth plans and the like but that all kind of fell to the wayside.  Guess I'm going to have to circle back a bit.

Thing I'm thankful for?  Epidurals and modern science!

Week End Review:  Boring errands.  We did register so that was kinda fun but we aren't big shoppers so it was more of an errand.  I did find a diaper bag I LOVE but don't need.  We still have two we used with MB.  I hope somebody gifts it to us because I'll never be able to justify spending $60 on something we absolutely DON'T need.  This weekend though J is i na wedding so we have that to look forward to!  I'll be sure to take some pictures of him all dressed up and handsome!

23 Weeks: The Bearded Lady

How far along? 23 weeks

How big is Audrey? According to the internet, just over a pound still and eleven inches long.

Audrey's Health? We don't go back to the doctor until next week so the only update I have is that she must be getting bigger and stronger because her kicks sure are!

Health of Momma? The bp is still steady, I think it might still be a little high though.  That or my monitor is a touch off.  I'm ranging in the 130's/80's.  I've also been really tired this week!  Hopefully that means Audrey is growing.

Weight gain? 10lbs

Weird Cravings? I'm still on the egg train but I'm also trying to eat more fish.  I want to make sure I'm getting all the protein she needs.

Stretch Marks? Still none - so I've got that going for me.

Skin? It just gets worse!  Our photographer is going to have to put in overtime to touch up our maternity photos!

Hair? On my head?  Greasy!!  On my chin?  Growing like weeds!  Everywhere else?  Getting darker and manly.  It's super creepy.  Seriously, the other day I found a KNUCKLE HAIR.  A dark, long, manly knuckle hair.  If that wasn't traumatizing enough I wont even tell you what happened when I tried to pluck the nipple hair I found.  That's right.  NIPPLE HAIR.

Sleep? Pretty good, I even slept all the way through the night a few times!  The dreams have been pretty crazy though.  In one I went to girl scout camp.  Not as a child but as a 32 year old woman.  

Best moment this week? J got to feel Audrey move!  It was subtle but he said he felt it.  He might have just been humoring me though...

What I miss?  Wine.  I'm making shrimp risotto for dinner tonight and I'm just distraught over what I'm going to do with the leftover white wine since the recipe I'm using only calls for a cup.  I'll probably weep as I dump it down the drain.

What I am looking forward to? Getting the nursery done!  I've got a couple projects going on in there right now.  I'll try to take some pictures along the way and post them.  We are also going to our first DSA (Down Syndrome Alliance of the Midlands) event.  It's a baseball game played by our local triple-A team.  I'm not really sure what all is involved, there are usually fireworks...I figured it might be a good introduction for us.  We'll probably just check it out and be creepy lurkers.  Hey, it's a step.

Weekly wisdom?  We are still learning.  I'm trying to remind myself to take it one day at a time.

Milestones?  Audrey is on her first waiting list.  It's for a speech therapy program.  "But she's not even born yet", I thought to myself!  Then I read that the wait list take about two years.  I knew getting Audrey all the services I could would be a challenge but TWO YEARS!!    

Fears?  What waiting lists am I missing??

Thing I'm thankful for?  Tweezers and Nair.

Week End Review:  What did we do last weekend...yeah, I'm going to need to do these on Mondays.  Apparently by Wednesday my brain is mush. 

22 Weeks: The World Keeps Turning

It's time for an attitude adjustment.  I've been a grump this whole pregnancy and what's worse, I've felt entitled to act that way.  I wont sugar coat it, pregnancy's no pic-nic, or at least it isn't for me.  I can either find the things about it I enjoy and emphasize on those or I can waste it away whining.  I'm going to try to spend more of the second half of this pregnancy doing the former.  To help push me out of my slump I'm going to start documenting the progress my little girl and I are making.  This format is inspired by stolen from a blog I found while researching Down Syndrome.  Side note: thank heaven for the internet and all the amazing people we can connect with on it.


How far along? 22 weeks

How big is Audrey? According to the internet, just over a pound, but she's always measured larger so I'm going to guess about 20 ounces 

Audrey's Health? After Our Maternity21 test came back positive for Trisomy 21 she was scheduled for a fetal echo to check her heart for any birth defects.  50% of children diagnosed with Down Syndrome are born with heart defects.  Luckily, Audrey's heart looked great!  She's also become quite active!  She's moving and grooving with the best of them!  

Health of Momma? The medication I'm on seems to be working!  My blood pressure is lower and my body seems to have adjusted to the change so I haven't been getting as many headaches.  That's a pretty big win!!

Weight gain? 9lbs

Weird Cravings? I've been craving eggs a lot lately, always in the evening.  Because the best decision I've ever made was to marry the most amazing man on the planet, J has become an expert at frying my eggs just the way I like um.  I'm a lucky lady I tell ya! 

Stretch Marks? Not that I've found yet!

Skin? Skin looks TERRIBLE.  Pregnancy and my complexion are NOT friends.  I'm a grease ball.

Hair? See above.

Sleep? I wont lie, I didn't sleep well this week.  I spent a lot of time laying in bed going back over ds research I had done that day and worrying about what our future would look like.  

Best moment this week? Finding out our daughters heart looked perfect!  What a RELIEF!  Odds don't usually fall in our favor so coming out on the right side of 50/50 felt like winning the lottery!! 

What I miss? My wedding rings.  I did drag J to a few store looking for a cheap replacement so my hand didn't feel so naked.  We finally found something workable at Walmart of all places. Don't get me wrong.  I'm a HUGE Walmart fan, I just don't normally shop there for accessories.  I asked J if he was going to propose to me again.  He said no.

What I am looking forward to? Meeting this squishy baby!!  18 more weeks feels like FOREVER!!  

Weekly wisdom? We have a LOT to learn!!

Milestones?  We decided on her name!  Audrey Rose.  I thought it would take us much longer.

Fears?  Only about a million.  But I don't think listing them would be good for my blood pressure.

Thing I'm thankful for?  My wonderful, egg making husband.  I can't tell you how many times this week he's held me up.  He amazes me everyday.  He reminds me to laugh and holds me when I cry.  There is no other person on the planet I would want to take this journey with.  I'm excited to see how this little girl is going to change our worlds and bring us even closer together. 

Week End Review:  We had a busy one folks!  Wednesday we went to a concert (I'll post more on that later), Thursday we met with a Genetic Counselor (who was worthless) and had our fetal echo, Friday we celebrated Glitter's 28th birthday, Saturday we celebrated my little brother's 11th birthday and two of our good friends 32nd and 33rd birthday, finally on Sunday J helped a friend move, I weeded the garden and MB played outside all day.  I guess that explains why I woke up late this morning...   

And there you have it, my first blog post in six months that wasn't me bitching about life.  One step at a time people!

Wrong About Everything 7-15-14

I thought I would feel better today.  I thought I would wake up a little less sad.  I was wrong.  I was wrong about everything.  I was wrong about what it would take to get pregnant, I was wrong about what pregnancy would be like, and I was wrong about everything being OK with our little girl.  The doctor called yesterday.  Our baby tested positive for Down Syndrome.

#pregnantproblems

I don’t fit at my desk anymore.  My belly’s in the way.  I can barely reach my keyboard.  My pregnant brain however does not seem to be capable of coming up with a solution.  So I just constantly bump into my desk and then just stare at my own abdomen with a confused look on my face.  I tried moving my keyboard closer to me but then my elbows hang off my desk.  I tried lowering my chair so my bump fits under the desk but them I’m practically sitting on the floor…I can’t be the only one right?  Seriously, what do women do?  Also, when will my problem solving abilities return?  I miss them…

I’d love to use that as my excuse for not keeping up with this but that would be a big fat load of crap.  So what’s been holding me up?  I’m freaking miserable.

I painted this ridiculously unrealistic picture in my mind of what pregnancy would be like and so far have been severely disappointed. 

I guess I thought that once I finally got pregnant all the crappy stuff would be over.  For so long I looked at pregnancy as the goal that I must have forgotten that it was just the beginning.  When I thought about not ever being able to be pregnant I was absolutely devastated, destroyed by the thought of never being able to experience the miracle of carrying a child, of feeling it grow in your womb, of giving birth.  Well let me tell you, a few short months of pregnancy changed everything.

If someone can figure out how to grow this baby to term back in that petri dish I’ll gladly sign up!  You know that feeling of your unborn child growing in your womb?  Yeah, that’s happening because it’s sucking the life out of you.  And carrying that thing around?  Yeah, it makes your feet hurt, your back ache, and your body sweat in places and ways you never thought possible.  That glow everyone talks about?  It’s just sweat, and all that sweat makes your skin break out, your hair look like a hobo’s, and your underwear smell like a hamster cage.  Did you know your vagina can sweat?  NEITHER.  DID.  I.  And if you thought the chin hairs were going to stop after the progesterone injections, my friend, you were mistaken.  I’m basically growing a beard.  By the end of this pregnancy I’ll be able to be a stunt double for the cast of Duck Dynasty.  Hand to God.

OK, enough of that.  On to some boring medical stuff I should probably document along the way.  I have high blood pressure.  The doctor put me on bp medication and baby aspirin, because apparently I’m 32 going on 60.  Also, they spotted a couple soft markers for Down’s Syndrome during our anatomy scan.  They took about a pint of my blood to do a screening test (Materniti21).  The results of which, take seven to ten business days.  Might as well be a year to nervous parents.  But you know, nothing has been quick and easy so far so why start now.

Oh yeah!  I almost forgot, we are having a little girl!!!

4-22-14 Graduation Part II

We made it!  Our appointment today went mostly well.  The baby looks great and the bleed in my uterus continues to resolve itself.  Unfortunately though, I’ve developed this pesky rash that is scattered all over my body and itches like hell.  I asked the nurse about it and her reply was, “I’m not a dermatologist.”  Dermatologist or not she certainly IS a Bitch!  Most of the nurses in Captains office are very sweet.  This gal and I however have never gotten along.  She has the bedside manner of a rabid dog.

Anyway, they called with my blood work and said everything looks great.  They took me off the butt shots, PRAISE THE LORD HALLELUIAH, and instructed me on how to wean of the progesterone.  Then they told me we had graduated!  They were even kind enough to make my first OB appointment for me.  If the OB Captain recommended for is half as good as her I’ll consider myself lucky. 

4-9-14 Graduation

We had another ultra sound yesterday.  The little guy measured 1.33cm or 7wks 4days.  It was pretty cool.  We got to hear the heart beat which clocked in at a healthy 140bpm, and we got to see the little buds that will become arms and legs!

All my hormone levels came back good so we don’t go back for two weeks.  Then if everything is progressing right along I’ll get to quit the but shots!!!  Remember those?  Yeah, I’ve been getting two of those a day since the end of February.  My ass has about a billion holes in it.  I can’t remember the last time I could feel it.

We also found out that I don’t “graduate” to an OB until 12wks.  I was relieved to hear it.  Some RE’s have their patients move to an OB at 8wks!!  I don’t think I could handle that.  I just feel so safe in her capable hands.  I am NOT excited about cutting that cord.  I just don’t trust anyone else.

4-4-14 Team Green?

I don’t want to find out the sex of our baby and J does.  Usually when we come to a crossroads like this one of us can persuade the other into agreement.  In this case, neither of us is budging.  I just think it will be fun for it to be a surprise!  Not just for us but for our friends and family.  We are at a point in our lives when many of our friends are having babies and I’ll admit, I do get more excited for the births of the babies that have some mystery behind them.  I have friends that hold back on sharing the name and that’s fun too.  It’s just not as exciting to get the phone call that says “We had a girl and her name in Jane!” when you’ve known that for two months.

I’m still open for some discussion.  If J can come up with a real strong argument I might be able to be swayed but I know we will at least keep the name a secret.  The only factor that has me leaning towards finding out the gender is the whole naming business.   We can’t come to agreement on one name, I don’t know how we are going to come up with two.  I predict the process will be long and painful.  If we found out the gender than maybe it would be half as long and half as painful?

4-2-14 No Manners

Would whoever decided to leave a half empty tin of sardines in the break room trashcan please send me an email so I may come puke on your lap.  Seriously, who eats sardines?  At work??  NO ONE wants to smell that shit, especially the pregnant women with a ninja nose who is struggling through morning sickness.  Also, she is always tired and therefor cranky.  For reals, she has no manners.

3-31-14 Just when I thought this couldn’t get worse

I’m cranky.  Stomp my feet, clutch my arms tightly over my chest, throw my head back and scream through tears, cranky.  If I thought someone would care, I’d through a giant sized temper tantrum right now.  I’m so tired.  Tired of being scared, tired of but shots, and mostly tired of not having any control over any of it.

Friday night J and I were lying around watching TV and I started bleeding.  Well first there was a clot and then some blood and then I freaked out.  We went in to the ER.  I assumed this was the end.  I figured they would do an ultra sound, confirm the miscarriage, give me my Rhogam shot and send me on my way.  I’d go home, drink a bottle of wine, cry myself to sleep and call Captain in the morning.  None of that happened.  I went to the ER but when they called Captain to ask how she wanted then to proceed she told them to send me home.  Apparently she doesn’t appreciate anyone else touching her patients.  We were told to go in to her office at seven the next morning.

Finally the next morning we were seen.  Captain did an ultra sound and found a bleed in my uterus.  She says they are very common.  She also added that I probably wouldn’t believe her.  You bet your sweet ass I don’t believe her.  Really?  Uterus’s bleed all the time during healthy preganancies??  BULLSHIT.  Oh look, there’s some of that temper tantrum.  The good news though is that the baby is fine.  Apparently he’s chillin on the other side of my uterus.  J got to see the heartbeat and the little guy was measuring at 6w1day.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m relieved and incredibly grateful the baby is OK, I’m just over all of this other crap.

 

If I’m honest with myself, I don’t believe this pregnancy will make it to full term.  Maybe it’s because none of my pregnancies have.  Maybe it’s because of all the issues I’ve already had, or maybe it’s just my brain’s way of protesting itself.  I am left wondering though, as this pregnancy does progress, when will that change?  When will I actually start believing that we will have a healthy baby this fall? 

3-26-14 A Post About Poop, or rather another post about poop.

You know how boys are gross and will come out of the bathroom and proudly proclaim, “I feel about ten pounds lighter.”  I totally get that now.  A few hours after I took a few stool softeners on Tuesday I finally pooped.  I felt so light I thought I was going to float away.  The cramping was gone.  It was AMAZING.  It made me even more determined to keep things moving.

I’ve been on my regiment for a few days now and the reviews so far are mixed.  The “go” is easier but not more frequent.  I’m going to swap the stool softener for a fiber supplement.  I’m sure you’ll all be holding your breath, waiting to find out if I can successfully regulate my bowel movements.

Ok, enough about crap.  Let’s talk about morning sickness.  What a Bitch.  This morning on my way to work I had to pull over to vomit.  Except that, then I didn’t.  I’m not much of a puker.  When my stomach is upset it just tends to stay that way.  Rarely do I get the sweet relief of throwing-up whatever is making me feel ill.  I probably haven’t thrown up in years.  This morning though, I was sure it was going to happen.  I pulled over, started sweating, my mouth began to water, opened the car door, leaned out, and… nothing.  Nothing but an awful gurgle in my stomach and a small burp.  And  now I continue to feel like crap.  Awesome.

It might seem weird that a person who has tried so hard to GET pregnant would complain so much about BEING pregnant.  I guess I just thought that since I had to go through so much physically and emotionally to get pregnant I was owed an easy pregnancy.  I feel like I should get to be one of those women who feel great and look awesome for all nine months.  I guess I’m just an entitled brat like that.