We are pretty much caught up now. I go in for said ultra sound tomorrow and it
has been the longest twelve days of my life.
My head is swirling with excitement, fear, and enough google searches to
break the internets. It’s all
justifiable though I assure you.
With how high my Betas levels were there is a very real
possibility we could be having twins. J
loves this idea. He thinks it would be
fantastic. I’m, absolutely
terrified. When they ask you how many
embryos you want to transfer two seems like a no-brainer. Two shots for the price of one, right? When I found out that two could actually come
back out I started to hyperventilate a little!
Maybe it’s because two of my closest friends just had babies so I’ve
recently been reminded how hard infants are and how little sleep Mom gets. Doing that x2 seems basically impossible.
Also, I’ve been having some spotting and cramping. It’s pretty terrifying. I understand that my endometriosis increases
the likelihood and intensity of these “normal” pregnancy symptoms but quite
frankly, I’m over it. It’s absolutely
nerve racking and even if things are going downhill there is absolutely nothing
that can be done at this point. I’ve
learned that you either make it through the first trimester or you don’t. Other than hormone supplementation there is basically
nothing modern medicine can do to change the outcome of a pregnancy at this
point.
Basically my only option is to suck it up and wait. I hate that.
Hopefully tomorrow will bring some reassurance.
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